雅思写作（支持句）
下面的句子是给出的分论点，后面是我首次写的支持句。
(1)Job security can increase empolyees' job satisfication. Without it, empolyees would pay their definite and adaquate attention to their job. As a result, their jobs' effeciency are diminished.
(2)Solar energy is more eco-friendly than fossil fuel energy.Solar energy is originated from the Sun not sparks the fossil fuel which creates emssion to arouse the global warming.
(3)Historical buildings are an important part of our cultural heritage. These always emboy the memory of the old.Definitely, historical buildings make our lives more abundant and colorful.
通过deepseek为我批改作文：
以下是您的作文批改和建议：
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### (1) Job security can increase employees' job satisfaction.
Without it, employees would pay their definite and adequate attention to their job.
As a result, their jobs' efficiency are diminished.
**批改：**
1. **"empolyees"** 拼写错误，应为 **"employees"**。
2. **"satisfication"** 拼写错误，应为 **"satisfaction"**。
3. **"definite and adequate attention"** 表达不够准确，
建议改为 **"full and undivided attention"**（全心全意的注意力）。
4. **"jobs' efficiency are diminished"** 语法错误，
应改为 **"job efficiency is diminished"**（工作效率降低）。
**建议改写：**
Job security can significantly increase employees' job satisfaction.
Without it, employees may struggle to focus fully on their tasks,
leading to a decline in job efficiency.
---
### (2) Solar energy is more eco-friendly than fossil fuel energy.
Solar energy is originated from the Sun not sparks the fossil fuel
which creates emission to arouse the global warming.
**批改：**
1. **"is originated from"** 语法错误，应改为 **"originates from"**（来源于）。
2. **"not sparks the fossil fuel"** 表达不清晰，
建议改为 **"rather than burning fossil fuels"**（而不是燃烧化石燃料）。
3. **"creates emission to arouse the global warming"** 表达不准确，
建议改为 **"produces emissions that contribute to global warming"**
（产生导致全球变暖的排放物）。
**建议改写：**
Solar energy is more eco-friendly than fossil fuel energy.
It originates from the Sun,
rather than relying on the burning of fossil fuels,
which produces harmful emissions that contribute to global warming.
---
### (3) Historical buildings are an important part of our cultural heritage.
These always emboy the memory of the old. Definitely,
historical buildings make our lives more abundant and colorful.
**批改：**
1. **"emboy"** 拼写错误，应为 **"embody"**（体现）。
2. **"the memory of the old"** 表达不够清晰，建议改为
**"the memories of the past"**（过去的记忆）。
3. **"make our lives more abundant and colorful"** 表达稍显重复，
建议改为 **"enrich and diversify our lives"**（丰富和多样化我们的生活）。
**建议改写：**
Historical buildings are an important part of our cultural heritage.
They embody the memories of the past and serve as a bridge
between history and the present.
Undoubtedly, they enrich and diversify our lives.
---
### 总结：
1. 注意拼写和语法错误，尤其是名词的单复数和动词时态。
2. 部分句子表达不够清晰或准确，建议使用更地道的表达方式。
3. 逻辑连贯性较好，但可以适当增加过渡词或短语
（如 "therefore," "as a result," "in addition"）来增强文章的流畅性。
希望这些建议对您有所帮助！短语：
orignate from
full and undivided attention
job efficiency
rather than
contribute to global warming
enrich and diversify our lives
embody the memories of the past
serve as a bridge
between history and the present
undoubtedly 英 /ʌnˈdaʊtɪdli/